Consume My Mind
by AnnoMizuki
Summary: CHP8 UP! "Everyday, it was the same thing. There was nothing to entertain him, and certainly nothing to spice his life up." A new colleague might make life more interesting for Hanschen Rilow. Future Hanschen/Ernst AU
1. All That's Known

**This is my first, ever Hanschen/Ernst fic, so hopefully everything measures up ;)**

Disclaimer: Hahaha. _Yeah._ Don't own Spring Awakening.**  
**

***

**Consume My Mind, Chapter One - All That's Known**

"And those reports on Statistical Analysis were horrendous! Save for the few students that usually do well, they were mostly horrible." Professor Rilow bellowed to his class. He is not usually so stern and severe on his students, but it was true. Their reports were terrible. The project was 20% of their class grade and examinations were soon approaching. He thought he taught them better.

"Ugh, I cannot even bear to look at you children," he said dramatically, sitting on his desk in front of the whole class, thumping his forehead on the table just as dramatically. Some students caught the joke and laughed, others just sat astounded.

He lifted his head and smirked at his students. "I'm giving out a new project for you to complete within the week. If you make a better grade, I will replace that grade with the ones you received from this project, do you understand?"

The college students nodded vigorously, happy at the chance to replace a good grade with a bad one.

"Very well. Class dismissed. Pick up your report when you leave, as well as the new project guideline." His students started to leave, doing what they were told, and soon Professor Rilow was alone.

He ran a hand through his gorgeous blond hair and sighed quietly. Everyday, it was the same thing. Lecture, lecture, eat, lecture, sleep. There was nothing to entertain him, and certainly nothing to spice his life up. Sure, he went out with his colleagues once in a while. And sure, he went on dates (with men _and _women, but even _that_ proved to be boring). But after living in Chicago for his entire life, he already knew the ropes of the entire city.

Groaning, he leaned against his chair, closing his eyes. Chicago was beautiful, it was big, it was loud, it was amazing. How could he get so bored in a city as active as this one? He supposed there was just not anything new for him to play with. There was no game for him to devote his time to. He felt as if he had nothing.

"Hanschen," a voice in interrupted his thoughts and his eyes darted open, facing his classroom doorway. It was Moritz Stiefel, the drama Professor.

"Yes?" He drawled out.

"Well, you know how Martha is on maternity leave?"

"Must you be so obvious?"

"Must you be so rude!" Huffed Moritz in return and Hanschen chuckled good-naturedly. "Well, the dean had decided she take the rest of the _year_ off!"

"Really now?"

"Yes!" Moritz entered his room excitedly, as if to reveal some sort of news. "So he's hiring a temporary teacher! Well, if they're good, he actually might add them to the staff!" Hanschen looked at him with no particular interest. This garnered a small pout from Moritz, obviously searching for a reaction. "Isn't that interesting!"

"I suppose."

Moritz looked off into nowhere in particular. "Someone new on the staff! Wouldn't that be exciting?"

Hanschen started to smile a little. "Yes, Moritz. That might actually prove to be _very_ interesting."

***

**A/N:** AU is always hard to deal with, especially when trying to keep the character's personas in tact. Hopefully I did them justice : ) more to come. Reviews are what makes me sleep well at night x)


	2. Light the Candle

**Two updates in a day! Woo :) **

**This will be a very short chapter…leading up to a big chapter 3 :D ohhhh exciting:)**

_*note- rating will change as the story progresses...hopefully;)_

Disclaimer: If I owned _Spring_, it wouldn't be closed. Damnit. lol

***

**Consume My Mind, Chapter Two – Light the Candle**

Hanschen entered the faculty room, the meeting called for by the dean, Melchior Gabor. He was originally a science teacher, but he became dean once his father had passed, as he was the original dean to the university. All the teachers were in attendance. Professors Anna and Wendla were there, who concerned themselves with the Sciences. The fine arts director was Moritz. Thea and Otto were professors of Social Studies. He and Georg taught Mathematics. Professor Ilse was alone, the only teacher left to teach Literature when Martha took her leave. Other Professors were in attendance as well, but Hanschen paid them no mind, as they were barely his friends.

"I'm sure you all well know why we're here. _Someone_ just _couldn't _keep his mouth shut," started Melchior, who gave Moritz a stern look. Moritz gave him a small smile and a quiet, "Sorry, Melchi," before Melchior eased his stare and continued.

"I've made sure that the screening process for the new Professor was appropriate. I hired someone I believe all of you will accept as your colleague and I'm sure we will all get along very well." Melchior smiled at his professors, and they all erupted in a flurry of questions, as if they were high schoolers asking about a new student.

"Is it a girl?" Otto asked excitedly.

Hanschen rolled his eyes. Of course, Otto _would_ be the one who asked that question. Or Georg, but Otto had a bigger mouth.

"Its a man, so you can keep your desperate hands off, Otto," smiled Melchior. Otto pouted dejectedly and took out projects to grade, no longer interested.

"What's his name?" asked Wendla, "And when is he starting?"

"Alright, alright children," Melchior grinned, "He's starting work tomorrow. But I've arranged for us to take him out for a little 'Welcome Party' tonight. What do you guys think?"

"This University is starting to get a little unprofessional…" trailed off one of the teachers Hanschen decided never to notice.

Melchior gave a hearty laugh. "Well, if any of you are up to it, come talk to me after the meeting. And if there are insufficient volunteers, then I will volunteer some of you..._myself_." He hid a malicious grin, looking at his friends. They all groaned. "Meeting adjourned."

Wendla, Thea, Ilse, and Anna stayed behind. 'But of course,' Hanschen thought, 'Why would the girls miss an opportunity to meet a new, male teacher?'

Otto and Georg tried to escape quietly, but Melchior stopped them. Moritz stayed, of course. Hanschen sat in his seat, staying as well. He wanted to see how this game would play out.

"Oh, you too, Hanschen?" Melchior grinned. "I thought you would've tried to escape this one."

"You would've made me stay behind and volunteer anyway."

"So you have no particular interest in the new teacher?" winked Ilse. They all held back their own giggles and snorts.

Hanschen was slightly amused. His friends knew of his bisexuality, and he found it very easy to tell them. It made things less difficult and conversations _much _more interesting.

"Well, it all depends…How old is he?" Hanschen smirked, playing along.

"Don't jump him before you know him!" Moritz exclaimed.

"And you suppose I should jump him after I get to know him?" Hanschen laughed. "And why do you think I'd jump someone anyway?" Moritz grinned sheepishly and looked off into the distance.

"Alright, alright," Melchior said, "The plans are-"

"What's his name, Melchi? You still haven't said."

"Oh, yes. His name is Ernst Robel."

***

**A/N:** Ahhh. My friend, who has never seen Spring Awakening, commented:

"Why is everyone in this story _German?? _In Chicago, no less?!"

Ahaha. That made me laugh. Anyways…xD

That turned out longer than expected? Well, as always-reviews are my food x)


	3. Wonderful

Hey! A short little update. I thought the big chapter would be this one, but I guess it isn't… lol next chapter! Ernst and Hanschen finally talk to each other! Its exciting!! Haha:)

Also, I'm totally not going to update for at least a week and a half (which isn't that long, but…just a heads up! :D) because of freakin finals. I hate life. They'll be done by the end of next week so hopefully I can update at least 3 or 4 chapters during the winter break…that's my goal!!!!

As always, I don't own _Spring Awakening_ because I'm not a doctor yet. But when I become one…I'm so co-producing it with someone damnit! Who's with me??! LOLxD

Okay, that was a long intro lol. On with the story…

***

**Consume My Mind, Chapter Three – Wonderful**

This had to be against school rules. And it is most unacceptable behavior for any professor. Yet here they are, being loud and somewhat tipsy in a public place. _'Well,'_ thought Hanschen,_ 'Melchior __**was**__ known for doing whatever the hell he wanted…'_

The teachers were all at a Japanese Bar, eating sushi and drinking and all in all having a fantastic time. They sat around a low-lying table and chatted away excitedly about their lives and the new teacher. It seemed to Hanschen that all of them wanted a little electricity in their lives and this fresh addition to their faculty might be the exciting new shock they've all needed.

Melchior still hadn't arrived with him yet, and Hanschen was absolutely bored to death. He hated little gatherings such as these. It always made him feel the need to converse with people. However, Hanschen didn't mind meeting with _them _too much, as they all saw each other constantly and there was no way he could escape them (or their over-zealous attempts at building a friendship with him, which Hanschen accepted-much to his dismay).

The blonde sighed. What could have possibly made him agree so easily into this event?

'_Oh,'_ Hanschen thought, just as Melchior arrived with the new professor in tow,_ '__**This**__ is why.'_

"This is Ernst Robel, everyone. And he will be substituting for Martha…" The man Melchior pushed through the door was young; perhaps a little younger than Hanschen. _'Of course he wouldn't hire someone elderly…'_ Hanschen thought absently as he took in the new teacher's appearance.

Ernst Robel had dark chocolate hair, cut just a bit below his ears. He had side-swept bangs that slightly covered his beautiful grey, grey eyes. Hanschen noticed that his eyes had speckles of hazel and brown as well; they were wonderful. His smile was awkward and small, as if to hide his nervousness. And he _was_ nervous, his body language giving him away. Hanschen thought _that_ was charming as well. The man looked perfectly delectable in the grey and navy sweater vest, which matched very nicely with his beautiful eyes.

"Sit down, sit down Ernst!" Melchior laughed, pushing him into his seat jovially. The silence in the restaurant was deafening as Ernst moved to sit on the cushiony pillow, smiling awkwardly.

"Would you like something to drink, Professor Robel?" Wendla asked charmingly, holding up a large bottle of Japanese wine.

"Y-yes, please. B-but only a little...I do not drink that often…" Ernst replied, his voice coming out soft and unexpectedly angelic. "A-and do please call me Ernst."

"Okay, Ernst." Wendla smiled genuinely and the restaurant once again exploded into voices conversing cheerfully. Hanschen remained mostly quiet, observing the new teacher with seemingly uninterested eyes. Ernst was an extremely polite person, Hanschen concluded, who tried every type of food his coworkers offered him and answered any questions they had with great patience.

The man seemed very interesting. His family had just moved from Germany not too long ago, yet his accent was faint and barely noticeable. He was surprisingly single, yet held the courtesy and the handsomeness of a married (or at least taken) man. His features were almost sharp, yet his voice was soft. _'Actually, everything about him is soft,'_ Hanschen mused. His movements, his smiles; it all contained a sort of fluidity and kindness that suited the man very well.

Melchior stood up and made a toast to the new teacher, raising his sake cup with a large Melchi-like smile on his face. They all said their cheers, thus marking the beginning of Ernst Robel's new occupation.

***

**Note-** I _totally_ did research on Gideon's eyes. I always thought they were green. 'Cept they're not, ha. Oh god! He's so fyne. x)

I'm somewhat satisfied with the thing….aghghagd.

Good or bad reviews, I'll eat em all! Omnomnomnom.


	4. Start of Something New

Okay I couldn't really resist writing a chapter before finals :P I should have be studying…but ohhhh well x)

OH! **Fun Fact** – I used to LOVE this show called Megami Khouhusei (Pilot Candidate in English), has anyone ever watched it? Anyways, my favorite character was this guy named Ernest Cuore. He was so cool and calm and…totally loved his male best friend Gareas. LOL.

I loved that character so hardcore. So when I first realized that there was a kid in Spring Awakening who's name was Ernst, and he loved another boy in the play - I SQEALED! Ahaha. So yeah. My obsession with Ernest's and Ernst's and gay men have flourished.

_LOL my intros are so stupid._

Disclaimer: yeah, I fail at owning anything. Especially a Tony-award winning musical LOL

***

**Consume My Mind, Chapter Four – Start of Something New**

Hanschen groaned, lying back on his office couch in frustration. The new projects he was grading were as equally disappointing as the old ones. _'Some stats of my project were 10.5 and 23. They were really varied and lacked a set formula,'_ read one of his student's papers. Hanschen marked off points for first person, incorrect grammar, and overall presentation. When he decided to become a teacher, he didn't think he'd have to deal with a level of incompetence such as this.

There was a small knock on his door and Hanschen barked, "Come in!" before he could compose himself. It was probably Moritz anyway. The man was always barging into the professor's offices during his free hours, talking constantly about his students or his new musical production. Or it could possibly be Melchior, as he wandered around the school more often than not – the new position of his requiring him to do…relatively nothing.

"Excuse me…" started his visitor. Hanschen knew this voice. Well, he didn't really _know_ the person who owned the voice. He kind of just _listened_ to it enough to know that it was soft, and sweet, and it was Ernst. Looking up at the man from his desk, Hanschen noticed he was dressed in a blue-pinstripe colored shirt today and that his dark blue slacks were pressed perfectly. He also noticed the man to be very shy, and today was no different; his bangs covering his face as he looked down awkwardly.

"Yes?" Hanschen inquired, somewhat amused.

Ernst looked up timidly for a moment. "Are you P-professor Rilow?" Hanschen nodded as he continued, "P-professor Neumann w-wanted you to h-have this." The man handed Hanschen a folder with papers concerning MLA format and other such materials.

"Look at you! Running errands for the other teachers and its only your first day!" Hanschen remarked, crossing his arms and smirking.

"W-well, I have no classes during lunch hours, s-so I don't mind." His slight stutter was so _cute_.

Hanschen looked through them and thought, _'Ilse is truly a lifesaver.'_ There were instructions on how to write project essays, and Hanschen knew it would be a great resource for his students.

"Tell Ilse I said thank you."

"O-of course…" Ernst made a motion to leave, but Hanschen caught his wrist before he made it out the door. Grey eyes looked up at him in surprise. Hanschen _himself_ was surprised, he didn't even think about it, he just did it.

Coughing to break the silence between them, Hanschen finally said, "I don't believe we've been properly introduced."

"Um, well…" Ernst started lamely, shifting his position.

"My name is Hanschen," he smiled and offered his hand. Ernst took it shyly and they shook hands.

"I-I'm Ernst. Ernst Robel…" he returned the smile with one of his own.

"Did you say you have no classes now?"

"W-well, yes…"

"Would you like to join me for lunch by the plaza?" Ernst looked up nervously, as if accepting the invitation would be a step into the lion's den (and it was).

"I-I suppose w-we could…"

"Perfect."

'_Oh this is going to be so __**devilishly**__ fun…'_ Hanschen thought, looking into Ernst's grey, grey eyes.

They stopped by Ernst's classroom so he could pick up his messenger bag. They walked the quiet halls of the university side by side, talking about petty subjects. How Ernst's first day has been so far, if his students were up to par, and _'Oh GOD, here they come.'_ Hanschen thought as he saw Melchior and Moritz walking down the hall.

Hanschen tried to pull Ernst in the direction of the nearest adjacent hall, but it was too late. The downfall of Hanschen's plans started unfolding. "Hey, you two!" exclaimed Melchior, walking just a _bit_ faster in order to catch up to them, Moritz following hurriedly behind him.

"Where are you two off to?" He smirked.

Moritz looked at Hanschen, then Ernst, then Hanschen again. "Really Hanschen?!"

Ernst looked somewhat confused, and Hanschen thanked the gods he was. _Honestly_, why does everyone always think Hanschen to be a lamb-seeking wolf? "What?" Hanschen drawled out.

"W-we were just about to g-get lunch." Ernst stated, smiling a little.

"Oh, _really_?" Melchior smiled, a hint of _something_ in his voice. Hanschen didn't like that _something_. "Would you mind if we joined you?" Oh, there it was.

"Melchi!" Moritz exclaimed. "Georg and Wendla are waiting!"

"They can come too, Moritz. Relax. We can _all_ go to lunch _together_."

"T-that would b-be very n-nice." Ernst stated, already following Melchior and Moritz to Wendla's classroom.

Hanschen trudged slowly behind him, groaning for the second time that day.

***

_**WTF **_is Ilse's last name? LOL I tried looking it up for like 10 minutes, but epic failed so I just put her first name! Someone tell me!

Man, I love this chapter's title. Haha oh god. HSM!!!

**Okay, okay...** I have Hanschen all worked out, his character is legit through this whole story. But Ernst…I don't know yet :P we'll see how it goes. I've been writing nonstop in my journal and I have a couple little oneshots I want to publish as well…so keep on the lookout!

As always, reviews are the Edward to my Bella! (EW TWILIGHT!! ihateitomgwtfbbq LOL)


	5. Bitch of Living

Hey kids! Sorry it took so long to update!!! Finals are over, _thank GOD!_

**I wanna say thank you for all the lovely reviews! You guys are so amazing :'D**

I wrote this in my journal and when I was typing it onto word, I was like "Wow, this just got a little cheesy!"

So there's a lot of Spring Awakening clichés up in this chapter's business, hope you're ready. Hahah xD

Disclaimer: I _would_ own it if I had more than lint in my pockets.

***

**Consume My Mind, Chapter Five – Bitch of Living**

"All right!" Hanschen thought out loud, irritation in his voice. "When did this turn into a _group_ event?!"

Melchior laughed and passed a plate of food to his friend, Hanschen accepting it begrudgingly. He, Moritz, Wendla, Georg, and even _Ilse_ joined Hanschen and Ernst's lunch date. ("If that's what you'd call it," Melchior had whispered into Hanschen's ear jokingly before they arrived at the restaurant, _smirking_).

The new teacher seemed to be enjoying himself in the company of his coworkers and the display of fellowship between them gave Hanschen a somewhat warm feeling inside. Somewhat.

The blonde sat at the head of their table, Ilse, Georg and Ernst sitting on one side. Moritz and Wendla sat next to Melchior (of course, those three were inseparable). Hanschen noticed that Wendla clung to Melchior's arm as they conversed, while Moritz played with his spaghetti; time to time looking at Wendla and glaring. _'Everyone has their own secrets…'_ Hanschen mused to himself.

"How are your parents, Hanschen?" The question broke Hanschen's reverie and he looked up at Ilse. "Are they doing well? Haven't seen them in ages!"

"Same old, same old," Hanschen said, "They're still trying to find a wife for me though. It's getting to be such a hassle! You think they'd stop - I'm already 26!"

Melchior agreed, "Yeah. My mom has been trying to find 'someone' for me too." Hanschen noticed a minute flinch in Wendla…_and_ Moritz?

"W-wouldn't you want to marry s-someone you l-love?" Ernst asked politely, voice as sweet as ever.

Georg swung an arm around Ernst and gave him a playful noogie. "Not for them," he started, "they have old school families!"

"Old…school?" Ernst looked up at Melchior and Hanschen curiously.

"Well it's been our family's tradition to pair their sons with another good family's daughters," Melchior began, (_this time Moritz flinched more noticeably_, Hanschen noticed) "with good standing." (The flinch from Wendla almost mimicked Moritz's. _'There must be something going on between those three!'_ Hanschen thought fleetingly.

"Sometimes, it's just the eldest son, though." Ilse interjected. "And lucky for Hanschen and Melchi, they are just that."

"It's not as much pressure for _him_ though!" Melchior smirked at Hanschen. "He's not an only child."

"Either way, it's still a bitch to listen to them go on and on about families and set me up on stupid dates."

"It's just a bitch of living." Melchior stated and they all cheered to that.

*

Hanschen was walking Ilse and Ernst to their offices, the three of them holding an enjoyable conversation. He never really got to see Ilse anymore, what with her engagement to Georg and all. She was so very busy nowadays. Hanschen really _did_ like being in her company. Ilse was wise and witty, unlike _most_ of his colleagues.

He smirked at the thought of striking an intelligent conversation with Moritz. It's not that he was _dumb_. It was just _so much_ _fun_ to play with him; Moritz always gets nervous and freaks out excessively. _That_ was always fun.

Ilse's office was first, and the two men said their goodbyes to her before heading in the direction of Ernst's classroom. The walk was quiet at first, but the skinnier man spoke, breaking the silence.

"D-do you _have_ t-to marry s-someone you don't l-love?" Ernst looked up at Hanschen.

The blonde was surprised, taken aback by such a forward question. "Marriages in my family aren't really about…love. The only thing they want is a good reputation…and the only way to do that is to marry people. People that are within our 'class.' Like we're better than everyone else…" Hanschen scoffed bitterly, glaring at nothing in particular.

Ernst was quiet for a moment. "I don't think I would be able to marry someone I don't love. Marriage is about being with someone all your life and never regretting it, you know? It's a promise that lasts forever. I think it is something that people really take for granted now…"

That was the very first time Hanschen hadn't heard Ernst stutter, in the very short time he's known him. And he spoke about the topic with such confidence. Hanschen stared at him blankly. Ernst noticed this and slightly blushed. "I'm s-sorry…I must've b-been rambling."

"Oh no," Hanschen said quickly, "I understand what you mean. I want to be able to marry someone I love as well, but…Let's just say I'm between a rock and a hard place."

"I see." They walked in silence once more until they arrived at the door of Ernst's classroom.

The dark chocolate-haired man looked up at Hanschen, both of them feeling the need to say something. Hanschen smiled. "What is it?" Ernst inquired curiously.

"Your hair, Hanschen started, "is always messy." With that, he brushed part of Ernst's hair to the side, now able to clearly see his grey, grey eyes.

"Thank you." Ernst looked down shyly, his hair falling into his face once more. Hanschen laughed, a joyous sound that resonated to Ernst's ears, his blush turning _slightly_ redder.

"Don't look down. No one should have a right to hide eyes as beautiful as yours." Ernst's blush increased in intensity and Hanschen's chuckles became louder.

After his laughter subsided, Hanschen patted Ernst's shoulder lightly before he went off in the direction of his office. He was already too far to hear Ernst stammer,

"You have beautiful eyes too."

***

OKAY!

I don't know about you guys, but I absolutely _hate_ fluff and clichés. But Ernst and Hanschen make me want to love it LOL. They're soooo cute!!!

Ohohoho.

There is some drammmaaa with Moritz/Melchior/Wendla! Wonder what's going on between them? Haha.

And Georg and Ilse engaged…haha okay when Skylar and Lauren were dating, I thought they were _the_ cutest broadway couple lol! So I had to :)

Yeah I want to have everyone's drama and stories presented in this chapter a bit. I'll expand more on the other characters, but the main story will be Ernst and Hanschen. But these side stories are so fun to write about lol!

Alright enough rambling! Review, you know you wanna. Hehehe ;D

_P.S. I know Georg is all kinds of OOC. I made him more Skylary__ than Georgy. Sorrryyyy. LOL_


	6. The Mirror Blue Night

Yay! My 2nd update of the break!!! Two more to go and I would reach my goal!!!

Okay some semi-angsty Hanschen up in this place! At least you'll know a little bit about his past-ish? Pretty normal daddy dysfunction.

Disclaimer: I don't own Spring Awakening…**grr.**

***

**Consume My Mind, Chapter Six – The Mirror-Blue Night**

"Do pay attention, dear." Hanschen's mother stared at him, her condescending look full of strict authority. He looked directly at her, taking his attention away from the window; the beautiful fall scenery escaping his view.

"As I was saying," she began again, sipping her tea, "Would you at least _consider_ Andrea? Or maybe even Mary?"

"No, mother." Hanschen once again focused his attention on the multi-colored leaves out the window.

"Oh,_ mein Sohn_! You are almost 30!" Hanschen rolled his eyes. Not even close. Here it goes. "How are you going to find someone suitable? You're not getting any younger! I married your father when I was already 22!"

"I am perfectly capable of finding someone for myself, mother. I promise you I will. Is that all? If so, I would like to excuse myself."

"Actually, there is more. Your father wanted to speak to you. He will be coming shortly." His mother finished her tea and set the cup down gently. Without a smile or a look back, she got up to leave.

Hanschen sat at the window, looking out into its beautiful scenery. This reminded him of his youth, filled with many days of lounging and dreaming and feeling like he was constantly waiting. But no matter how long he would wait, nothing would ever come. What was he waiting for? _Who_ was he waiting for?

Hanschen _hated_ visiting his family's Mansion. It was because of this that he always tried to keep his visits very short. It was just all so fake to him. The ostentatious display of wealth, the words, the family. Everything was a farce to make the Rilows seems richer than they were; better than they were. The Mansion itself was like a giant cage to him and the only good thing about the property was the landscaping outside. The Mansion was out in the suburbs and it had a lot of acreage to cover. There were pools, trees, various flowers, botanical gardens, fountains, and even a maze in the backyard – all surrounded by a heavily protected fence. It was all very beautiful, but no matter how beautiful everything might seem – Hanschen knew the ugliness that lay beneath the surface.

The minute his senior year of high school ended and he graduated, Hanschen moved out immediately, leaving for his University of choice and majored in Business, Math, and Teaching. He hoped never to come back to the family Mansion, but Hanschen soon learned that the game wasn't played like that. He needed what he hated most about his family: _money_. So Hanschen found himself returning to his childhood home more often than he previously expected.

Every time he was here, memories of his childhood and teenage years flooded into his mind. _'Back straight,'_ he would say. _'You must look like perfection every time,'_ he would command. _'You must learn to feel less. Or feel nothing, lest you show weakness,'_ he would instill into Hanschen's mind. His father trained him to be a bastard; and in this house, Hanschen acted like he never forgot those lessons.

'_Speak of the goddamn devil,'_ Hanschen thought as he heard the click of the door. He stood quickly, tall and strong against the soft pastel colors of the waiting room. His father walked in quickly. He always seemed so impatient.

It had been a while since Hanschen last saw his father. _'He doesn't look a day different.'_ His blonde hair was brushed perfectly, the hint of his grey hairs adding a bit of sophistication. His face was dark, matching perfectly with his black suit.

"Sit," his father commanded and Hanschen did so without a word. He walked over to a tray of glasses and bottle of bourbon, pouring himself a generous amount. Although Hanschen was obviously old enough to drink, there was no offer for him. After taking a large sip, his father looked at him squarely. "When will you quit that good-for-nothing job? If you'd call it a job."

"I will not quit, father."

"_Goddamn it, Hanschen!_" His father yelled, throwing his drink across the room, the delicate glass crashing against the wall loudly. He stalked up to his son very suddenly; inches away from his face and eyes flaring a challenge. Hanschen did not move, did not flinch. "Do _not_ call me that!"

"Yes, Herr Rilow."

His father moved away and poured himself another drink. "We are not American, no matter how you may wish to be. We are German, do not ever forget. I will not allow that kind of disrespect. _Verstehen sie_?" his father spoke in perfect German.

"_Ja_, Herr Rilow."

"_Gut, mein Sohn_. Now about your job…"

*

Hanschen closed the door behind him and sighed in relief. He grabbed the keys from his pockets and jumped inside his car. The night had already approached and Hanschen left the Mansion in quick haste. The moon was bright and reflective against the blue sky. He wound his way through the roads that led to the highway and when he finally saw the lights of Chicago, he started to relax a bit more.

Arriving at his own home, he quickly went inside and changed his attire. Always in the presence of his family, he wore suits. Now he was clad in dark jeans and a crimson dress shirt. Tonight was the night of his friend's show and Hanschen wanted nothing more than to escape the caged feeling he got when visiting the Mansion.

He left his house and chose to walk the short distance from his home to the venue, a club called Chicago Lights. It gave him an incentive to clear his head. When he arrived, the bouncer checked off his name on a list and Hanschen was in.

Inside the venue were two large bars, each with at least three bartenders. The floor space was huge and packed with people. The stage was empty, which meant none of the bands had performed yet. _'I'm not too late…'_ Hanschen thought absently.

He headed towards one of the bars and asked for bourbon on the rocks. His father loved it; he himself despised it. Why did Hanschen drink it?

"Bastard didn't even offer me any…" Hanschen mumbled.

After he received his drink, Hanschen looked around the venue. There were a lot of people there, dancing to the pre-show music. Booths were scattered around the venue randomly. They were meant for _privacy_.

"_Oh_…what do we have here?" Hanschen whispered to himself, smiling. He spoke some hushed words to the bartender and she smiled and nodded her head.

She made a fruity version of the mojito and placed it on an attractive tray. Taking it and balancing it on her palm, she left the bar area and slowly wandered towards one of the booths.

After she left, Hanschen looked back to where she was previously standing and he once again, for the millionth time this week, found himself lost within those curious grey, grey eyes.

Ernst Robel mouthed his name vaguely and Hanschen left the bar, walking towards his booth.

***

Okayy. Good chapter? There's a 2nd part!!! Ohhh. Exciting! What will happen during this mirror blue night!? Haha!

There was a lot of descriptions in this chapter….sorry :( If I didn't set it all up, I would have to in the future…might as well do it now.

Aghhh! Herr Rilow is a scary fucker LOL! Hope everyone likes my characterization of him?

As always, review my dear lovers! 3

**OH. MY. GOD. LOL.  
**

_**P.S.**_ I was writing some shameless Hernst smut today because I realized there wasn't enough of it in the world. It's really just….way too descriptive lol. I can't post it to , but I was thinking of putting it up on my _(seldom updated)_ Livejournal :D If you want me to post it, say sp in your review and I will get it done!!


	7. Any Moment

HEY GUYS!

Sorry it's been so long since I've updated this story! I'm so so _**sorry**_ LOL! Everything was so hectic!!!

**Funfact** – It took me 3 drafts to finish this chapter until this one.

You'll know what I mean ;D

**_Thank you so much for your amazing reviews._**

Anyways…READ ON!

Disclaimer: LOLZ don't own :)

***

**Consume My Mind, Chapter Seven – Any Moment  
**

"I must say, it's a surprise seeing you here." Hanschen smiled at the boy, taking a sip of his drink.

"Why's that?" Ernst inquired, a soft smile playing on his lips.

"I don't know…" the blond trailed off lamely and they both laughed.

"My friend is the drummer for one of the bands performing tonight," Ernst explained.

"Same, my friend is the guitarist for one of them also." They were quiet for a moment. Hanschen noticed the other man was almost finished with his mojito. "Do you like your drink?"

Ernst nodded, taking a large sip. "It's very sweet…I don't usually don't like the taste of alcohol…It's so bitter…" The man swayed in his seat, smiling.

"Oh no!" Hanschen chuckled, "Are you a lightweight?"

"No, sire, I don't like boxing…" Ernst's bobbing head landed on Hanschen's strong shoulders. The blond laughed.

"Are you okay?" Hanschen patted the dark-chocolate mop of hair.

"Yes…"

"Really?" inquired Hanschen once more. After moments had passed, he deduced that Ernst had passed out on his shoulder. He also deduced that their conversation was stutter-free.

"I could get used to this."

***

Ernst woke up to the smell of coffee, his eyes fluttering open in a quick fashion and then just as quickly fluttered closed again. He groaned.

"You sound awake!" Ernst heard Hanschen's voice coming from…somewhere.

"W-where am I?" he groaned out, voice hoarse.

"At my apartment. You totally passed out. Here." There was a slight noise and Ernst felt a weight at his feet.

Ernst opened his eyes once more and found the blond sitting by his feet on what Ernst presumed was Hanschen's couch. Hanschen held up two cups of coffee and he offered one to Ernst.

Sitting up, Ernst gratefully accepted the caffeine and smiled. "Thank you," he said politely. He started to make himself more aware of his surroundings, looking around the apartment curiously. He saw a clock read 4:00 A.M. "Oh my goodness! It is so late!"

"I'm sorry I dragged you here…I didn't know where you lived and a hotel would've been…yeah, no." Hanschen chuckled and Ernst smiled.

"It's alright, _I'm_ sorry for putting you through so much trouble…" He let his bangs fall over his face shyly.

"No, no trouble at all," Hanschen smiled, taking a sip of coffee. "Would you like to stay here for the rest of the night, then?"

"Um," Ernst started, "Perhaps until morning. I don't want to be a bother."

"You are _not_ a bother," Hanschen explained, smiling. "Do what you think is best." Ernst pulled his legs up to his chest, shivering. _'He always looks so delicate…'_ Hanschen thought, observing the other man. "Is it cold? The heater isn't working very well, I'm sorry."

The dark-chocolate mop of hair shook. "No, I'm fine."

"I'm getting a blanket." Hanschen moved to get up, but Ernst grabbed a hold of his sleeve before he left. The blond looked at Ernst curiously. "What is it?"

"P-please stay."

"But you're cold…" Hanschen saw the man trying to hide his small shivers.

"I'm fine…"

"Okay, no." Hanschen left quickly and returned with a thick blanket. Scooting dangerously close to the other man, Hanschen wrapped the blanket around them both. "This will help us _both_ keep warm." He grinned.

"Thank you…" Ernst smiled in return.

Hanschen looked at him quietly and Ernst stared into the deep blue eyes. Moments passed. The details became blurred; the coffee, the blanket, the late night. All was compacted into the moment where their lips collided into one powerful force.

The kiss was soft at first, lips wanting only contact. Hanschen cupped Ernst's face in his strong hands, and Ernst melted into the kiss. Suddenly, Hanschen licked his lips softly, as if asking for entrance into the sweet mouth. Ernst permitted the intrusion and their tongues crashed together, both moaning. Ernst wrapped his arms around Hanschen's defined neck, pressing their chests together tightly. Hanschen's hands were roaming all over Ernst's body, making the man moan softly.

There was no definite moment in which their bodies had pulled apart from each other. But after they did so, each had to catch their breath. Ernst leaned on Hanschen, his forehead on the broad chest, their breathing fell to a steady beat and their chests rose and fell in unison. Sunlight crept into the room through the window, through the almost-translucent curtains, through the quiet air. "Sunrise…" Hanschen heard the soft voice, quiet. He pulled the man closer, cuddling his soft, thin body.

"Good morning, Ernst."

***

He walked along the halls quietly, savoring each silent step. "Hanschen…" The name escaped Ernst's lips as quietly as his footsteps. Pausing, he ran his fingers over his pink lips, as if the word had made them tingle.

It has been almost two weeks since the incident at Hanschen Rilow's dwelling, and Ernst was counting the days. He dared not speak of the event, nor locked eyes with the blond since. (And it seemed to Ernst that the blond felt the same way).

After the kiss and after the morning light had streamed into the room, Ernst had pulled himself away from Hanschen's strong, warm embrace and stumbled out of the apartment with nothing but a whimper. Ernst was so embarrassed with his ridiculous exit that he vowed never to speak to the blond ever again. But then…

His thoughts would always start to wander, his eyes would always glance at his direction, his heart started to long. Long for the embrace, the warmth, the kiss. It was as if Hanschen had consumed his mind.

But how could Ernst possibly carry on, as if nothing had happened? And start over? He was sure that Hanschen probably despised him.

Ernst stopped his mind from wandering and once again regained focus. He found himself walking towards the Professor's lounge, his feet moving of their own accord. It would be safe there, today. Ernst had observed Hanschen the past two weeks and recently, he had not been to school, absent for nearly four days now. It would be a surprise if he was at the Lounge today.

From a distance, Ernst could already see that the lounge was mostly empty, with the exception of Moritz and Melchior. The men were talking quietly and Ernst never felt the need to eavesdrop, but it seemed that they were in the lounge alone to get some sort of privacy. Ernst stood a little to the side of the open doorway. He did _not_ wish to interrupt.

"But you promised…" Ernst heard Moritz trail off, voice hoarse.

"I know, but it _is_ difficult, you must understand…I want to balance my time between you two. You both deserve it. She does too, you know?" Melchior's voice was firm, but held a sort of gentleness. The room was quiet. "You know I can't _choose_. I love you…I love you _both_."

"It's just not enough Melchi! It's so difficult, for me…When I'm not even - I'm not even a girl…It's-" Moritz was cut off and there were muffled sounds before Ernst realized that Melchior had kissed him, breaking his speech. "NO!" Moritz yelled, and Ernst heard a crash. He must've pushed Melchior away, into something.

"You don't have to choose," Moritz said quietly and Ernst knew tears were forming. "I'll make it easy for you."

Ernst saw Moritz wiping his eyes, racing out of the Lounge so quickly he did not even notice Ernst by the doorway.

"Moritz, wait!" Melchior raced after him. Ernst wasn't as lucky this time and he was notice. The dean stopped abruptly.

"Ernst!" Melchior said in surprise, processing his presence. "Did you - did you hear everything?" He quickly wiped his eyes, pretending that something like dust was in them. But Ernst knew it was a farce.

"I-I didn't m-mean to pry…I t-though you n-needed privacy…" Ernst looked down at the tile floors, somewhat ashamed.

Melchior patted his shoulder. "It's okay, no worries." The two men stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to say in the strange situation.

"W-would you like to g-get some coffee?" Ernst asked, mustering up the sympathy and bravery within him to ask the question. "We can t-talk, if y-you'd like."

"We have coffee here, Ernst." Melchior smiled. Ernst looked at him, eyes a little playful. Okay it's not _the_ best coffee in the world…"

"Let's go, Melchior. I know a great place nearby. We can talk without any eavesdroppers." Ernst stated smoothly, smiling.

"If you don't have classes…" Ernst shook his head.

"Very well, then." Melchior hooked an arm around Ernst's square shoulders and they walked towards the north exit of the University, laughing.

Behind a corner, Hanschen stood quietly as he watched the two bodies disappear into the day, his mind racing.

***

**WOW MAN**! Long/crazy chapter?!?!!

I had so many different drafts for this chapter. But in the end, this came out…

In the _first_ draft, I wanted them to hook up right after the kiss.

In the _second_ one, they didn't even kiss at all.

In the _**third**_(!!!) one, they had sex and it was awkward, etc etc.

That's why it took so long:(

But I think this version is the best-suited one. It's a little slow, but I think their relationship is SO IMPORTANT that it deserves a little effort by both of them ;D

You'll know what I mean in the next few chapters LOL

**AND ALSO!**

Melchior/Moritz/Wendla(?) love triangle? Haha a little of that too!!

(who will he choose?)

And while we're talking about that…

**FUNFACT2** – Jonathan Groff is GAY! Whatwhat?

I love this chapter, it's my baby:)

Reviews, please!

OMNOMNOM

_**P.S.**__ I'll start putting up chapters on my LJ if any are interested, but I'll update here first ;)_

_**P.P.S.**__ Sorry for such a long A/N lol_

_**P.P.P.S.** The song is from Into The Woods :)  
_


	8. The Guilty Ones

Gah, A/N at the end :P

Disclaimer: I don't own, kthnxbaiz

*******

**Consume My Mind, Chapter Eight – The Guilty Ones**

"Wendla??" Melchior nodded. "_And _Moritz?!"

"I know, I know! It's not right, yet…I love them both." His head lay on the table between them dejectedly.

"Well, why do you like Wendla?" Ernst's question was curious, yet spoken softly, as if he was afraid to ask the question.

Melchior sat back on his chair and looked off into space, smiling. "She's so beautiful inside and out…Smart, gentle, honest, genuine…A woman no man can resist. A true renaissance woman, so to say."

"And Moritz?"

Laughing, Melchior leaned closer to Ernst, as if to reveal a secret. "The sex is amazing," he started and Ernst squeaked. "But really, he's just so…spontaneous? Yes, spontaneous. We could plan a date to visit the museum and end up on a boat in a lake…in Canada, or something crazy like that!" Melchior laughed out loud and Ernst smiled. "And he's so sweet…one time, for my birthday, he got me this limited edition of Goethe's _Faust_, my favorite novel. And you know, he's been my best friend since childhood…we can talk about anything. You know, there was this one time in high school…we ditched the last period of the day and climbed up on the roof of our school. We talked up there until twilight. And just laid there under the stars…"

Ernst sat in his seat and let the other man ramble. Moritz and the race cars. Moritz at the Cubs game. Moritz at school. Moritz directing his first play. Moritz and flowers. Moritz with his ridiculous crooked smile. Moritz and Melchior. Ernst just thought it fit, like a hand in a glove. Like salt and pepper. Moritz and Melchior.

After the other man had nothing more to say, Ernst stood up. "What? Are we leaving?"

"I have classes," Ernst smiled.

"Hey! Don't shirk your friend-duties! You're supposed to help me decide, Wendla or Moritz??"

"Oh I think you know," Ernst's smile widened and he pointed at Melchior's end of the table. After he left the coffee house, a confused Melchior looked at the spot Ernst mentioned.

Scribbled absently by Melchior was the name "Moritz," the imprints of his forefinger on the table fresh and vibrant.

***

Ernst nestled himself under his covers, the multiples layers of comforters giving him warmth. It has been almost a month since 'The Accident." With each passing day, Ernst's fondness for the blonde man grew and his mind became even more consumed with thoughts of Hanschen.

He closed his eyes and recalled a past conversation with his younger sister…

It wasn't too long ago. He was a senior about to graduate high school and she was a sophomore. Ernst recalled the day perfectly. The sun was out and the cool Spring season was leaving to make room for the hot air of Summer.

Around that time, Ernst began to notice boys. They were everywhere! Loitering in the halls, at lunch, showering in gym class…He began to think of them in terrible, different ways!

His family was amazing and unconditionally loving, but they were strict and devout Catholics. His mother as well as his father volunteered as Catholic Education Teachers at their church during their free time, his older brother was to be an ordained priest, and his sister was going to be confirmed next year. He himself was already happily confirmed, giving him more of an incentive to discard his impure thoughts. Yet, the more he was around the male persuasion, the more he could not block the thoughts from returning.

He knew he could not go one pretending anymore. After Prom, he knew he would not be able to dance or even _touch_ another girl again. She was beautiful. Dark brown hair, an hourglass body, a kind smile, soft skin, breasts that were pressed up against his chest as they danced…He just can _not_ help it. He liked boys.

It was a sin, he knew it all too well. But maybe. Just maybe, if his parents accepted Ernst, the _real_ Ernst…he would not have to fret anymore. His family would always be his Number One. No matter what anyone else might think or say, if Ernst had the support of his family, that alone would give him the strength to display who he really is.

But he wanted assurance that they would accept him. He wanted to ask someone for advice, but there was no one at the time. If his friends knew, they would have most likely outcast him, leaving him alone and miserable at school. His brother – definitely _not_. So Ernst turned to the only person he thought he could ask for advice from: his sister.

They were in her huge green closet, the only light coming in was from a crack in the door, allowing the daylight to pour into the otherwise dark closet. Their parents weren't going to be home until later that day, but they wanted to be extra cautious. Time was of the essence, though, and the conversation would be quick and brief.

Ernst did not want to prolong the conversation, so he went straight to the point. No use in sugar-coating it, she would know eventually. "I think I like boys...like you like boys."

His sister's eyes widened slightly and after a moment, she hung her head. "Ernst…"

"Hil*, what is it? I'm trying to ask you something important."

"I don't…I mean…I like girls, like you're _supposed_ to like girls."

"What?"

"I guess we're both going to hell," his sister laughed derisively.

"Hil! Please don't say that. I think, if we tell Mama and Papa, they wi-"

"NO!" She interrupted him, "We _can't _tell them! They will _kill_ us Ernst! Even worse…they will…hate us." She started to tear up, eyes welling with unshed tears. "I don't want Mama and Papa hating us." He remembered that, at that moment, he felt like crying too. But he had to be strong, for both of them.

Ernst hugged his little sister tightly, letting her sob on his chest. "We mustn't tell them, Ernst…no…"

"I know."

"But what do we do?" She gazed up with her piercing hazel eyes, "How do we carry on…like we are? We weren't made right, were we?" She ducked her head again, despondent.

"God just wants to test us, Hil. That must be it…From now on, we have to _try_, really try, to expel these thoughts. It is not right…"

"So we keep pretending?"

"It's not pretending-"

"What if I find someone I truly, truly love? And she was a woman? Or for you, and he was a man? What then?"

Ernst was quiet.

"If, in the future, that happened to me…I would keep them close to me…Maybe even marry her. If I love her, I think I would marry her. I don't know if Mama or Papa would ever approve, but I will be older. And freer. I would marry her."

"Then you're stronger than me, sister. I would be much too afraid," Ernst laughed and his sister joined him, the closet filling with giggles.

Ernst's reverie had ended and he came back to present-time. It was thundering outside, and he knew rain was about to pour over the great city of Chicago. "Love," Ernst whispered quietly to himself, dozing off to sleep.

***

She went on about how the weather was _much_ too gloomy for her pleasure, how her pedicure was awfully done, and drowned him with useless talk about useless subjects. Hanschen was as bored as ever. It was his second date (this week only!) with yet another woman his parents matched for him. They were all the same. No taste, no flavor. No soft voice, no sweet smiles.

Hanschen looked out the window of the restaurant. Women always bored him to the point of exhaustion and he couldn't stand to even look at them after that point. The sky was dark, and it was raining. City lights were blurred as rain poured over the town mercilessly and Hanschen thought it was beautiful. Not because he loved the rain, but because of the grey, grey clouds.

***

* - 'Hil' is Ernst's nickname for his sister, whose full name (in this story xP) is Hildegard. I think it means "the strength of a fortress" or something…XD hehe

**ALSO…SO, SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING IN MONTHS. LOL.** I wrote the next chapters in my journal, but it's a bitch reading from it and typing -___- my poor back…

ALSO(x2?), I didn't know school would be such a bitchhh after coming back from Winter Holidays, sooo my bad! Hehe *justification*

I _LOVE_ this chapter! I think it's because there's some Wendla-Melchior-Moritz sidestory, a little bit of Ernst's past, and Hanschen's thoughts. It's a good combo, don't you think?? Kinda short though :O

Mannn, poor Hanschen, it's been a month…wonder what's happened? Haha next chapter will be more Hanschen-centered, hopefully you guys will like it! :)

Well, review review, _PLEASE_! *puppy dog faceeeee*

**P.S. **If you guys like reading Yaoi (slashy/ boy-boy) webcomics, there's a badass one called **"**_**Starfighter" by HamletMachine.**_

GO READ IT! I totally suggest and endorse it (free advertising for them, no one sue me!) The story/plot is still developing, but the art is **_GORGEOUS _**and the plot looks interesting. The smex scenes are hella **_STEAMY_** too hahahaha DO IT.


End file.
